The Cocoon of Status Updates

WSJ – Julia Angwin – How Are You? No, How Are You Really?

“So I decided to do a little investigative reporting on the authenticity of the updates I was receiving from my friends and family. I called a friend I hadn’t spoken to in awhile but whose tweets were a sunny mix of professional observations. His voice sounded depressed, so I asked how he was doing. “It’s been a pretty dark time,” he admitted.

Then I called my mom. Her garden was doing fine, but she was really upset about a friend’s illness – about which she had not tweeted. So far, not so good.

Finally, I called my friend from college, Chris Costello. I asked him to catch me up on how he was doing – so I could compare his narrative with what I thought I knew from his tweets.

It turns out that I had the basic outlines of his life correct – but I hadn’t grasped the gravity of his situation. He had been in the midst of buying a condo when he lost his job, causing his mortgage to fall through. Since he had already committed to leaving his apartment, he had to scramble to find a place to live in just three weeks.

His tweets, which he admitted were “oblique,” hadn’t explained his sudden move, or the link between his lost job and lost apartment. His updates were focused on the day-to-day hassles of moving.

I felt foolish and naive for being lulled into a sense of complacency by digital small talk. I mistook his updates about the struggles of moving and unemployment for true candor. I had allowed myself to think that I didn’t need to ask Chris that simple question that defines small talk: “How are you?”

It’s not that digital small talk is deceitful (although some probably is). Rather, it creates a cocoon of information that may not paint a full picture of the truth.

I still find it reassuring to read my daily feed of status updates from friends and family. But next time I talk to my online friends, I plan to ask: “How are you, really?”